so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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