Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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