He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
