I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
