kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
