everyone is single if you try hard enough
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
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