We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
