i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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