Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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