There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Randomize
