if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Never underestimate the power of titties
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
