So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Randomize
