haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
