If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
