I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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