Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
