I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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