i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
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Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
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WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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