we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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