you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
