My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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