apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
