u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
kristin has been a bad kristin
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize
