he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
