I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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