omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
we're so committed to being not committed
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