So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
