she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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