saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
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