Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
