Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
