I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
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