Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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