Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize
