So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Randomize
