Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
