Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
