I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Randomize
