I want to make a zoo with you.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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