I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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