you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
