i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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