My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
