I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
