like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
