So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
