Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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