Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
