somebody snuck up and got me drunk
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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