his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
