So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
