Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
