tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
