third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Randomize
