So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
