Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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