I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
