I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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