OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
