Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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