are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
