Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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