'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
