Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
