I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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