is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
They are going to name an STD after you.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
