is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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