the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
