32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
