i need an iv and a liver transplant
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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