i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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