Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
