It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
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