I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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