So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
