I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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