so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
