So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
