I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
