I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
