so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
