i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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