hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
