just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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