i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
